In this blog post I will be discussing my two lovely and beautiful boys (I'm not biased at all!) and their journey into being.
I'm an only child. And I absolutely loved being an only child. My parents provided me with everything I could need (not want, they were very determined that I wouldn't be spoiled!) but I was lucky to go to a great school, have a really good education and they supported me in whatever endeavour I tried. I am lucky to have the parents I do have. But all this made me only really want one child when I became a mum myself. I thought it would be too difficult to love two children as much as you could love one. I liked the idea of devoting all my time to one child, as my parents did me. I had a great childhood, so why not just have one like I was.
All this changed when I met my husband. I saw the relationship he has with his two brothers and I started to realise that maybe having more than one child wouldn't be so bad after all. Not that I felt my childhood was lacking in any way, but seeing how they were with each other made me realise perhaps two (or more, but now definitely just two) would be ok.
So when my husband and I decided we would try for a baby. We thought, right that's it. We shall go for it. However it wasn't actually that easy. I came off the Pill and thought that would mean I could get pregnant straight away. After a while I realised I needed to go and talk to someone to discuss how it was that it wasn't happening. A long story short, I was diagnosed with PCOS. I needed a little bit of help in order to get my ovaries working properly. In all, it took us over a year to get pregnant.
Maternity Photo Shoot (first time round, we didn't have one the second time)
taken by my dear friend
Our baby arrived on 4th December 2016, after about 3 days of gradual labour followed by an epidural in the hospital (I hadn't slept for 3 days and was approaching exhaustion). The most amazing moment of my life happened. This was the moment I became a mother. It's something nothing truly prepares you for. No matter how many books you read or web searches you do.
We felt our world was complete. It was a massive adjustment especially as we were living in Dubai and our family were not around to give us any additional support. My parents did come out to stay for the first month, which was amazing. But after they left, we were on our own.
First Baby (AKA Toddler) when he was about 4/5 months old
We muddled through and figured it all out as we went. When baby was about 9/10 months old we discussed the next steps for us as a family. Should we now start trying for another baby seen as it took so long for first baby? We thought it would take a long time again. But biology is funny and I actually found out I was pregnant again when first baby was 11 months old!
The second pregnancy itself wasn't too dissimilar from the first. I found it hard to eat anything both times round and actually slimmed down (not too much but I was probably the healthiest I have ever been when pregnant!). What was a touch stressful was deciding to move countries with a toddler. In May 2018, when I was 35 weeks pregnant, thankfully with the help of my parents, we flew home to the UK. Let's just say its not the most ideal of timing to fly that late in pregnancy when you have a clingy toddler. But we did it!
Second baby arrived on 5th July 2018. A different labour experience altogether. Second baby decided he was far too comfortable in my womb that he didn't want to leave. I eventually was induced on day 14 of being overdue and he actually didn't even arrive until the following day!
A tired looking me with our latest addition to the family
if you look carefully I'm copying the pose in the photograph on the wall with first baby
Toddler suddenly had a brother, and our family was complete. I didn't even know he would be what would complete our family. But now I see he was what was missing.
Toddler wasn't sure about baby at first. He didn't seem overly fussed but there was signs he wasn't sure about this little blob of a baby who cried and took away attention from him. But he adjusted, like we all did. And now he calls his brother his best friend. They are learning to play together more and more each day. In this lock down we are going through, I am glad he has his brother to irritate and amuse him.
So here I am with two absolutely amazing boys, who continue to astound me every day. Not the picture I had in mind when I was imagining my own family unit as I grew up. But plans in life often change, and this one changed for the better. I now can't imagine my life without my two little boys in it.
When I was pregnant for the second time, I did worry about how I could love someone as fiercely as I loved my first baby. But as soon as he was placed on my chest after he was born, I realised my heart was big enough to love two babies. Sure, it is sometimes a balance, I find if one boy wants a cuddle, the other does too. But I just hold my arms out wider. And I am lucky to have an amazing support system (when we aren't in lockdown that is) and my husband is the best father in the world (in my humble opinion). The way they play and look up to their daddy makes my heart melt. Sometimes I step back and quietly observe them playing together and I can't help but smile. These are the moments I try and appreciate, now more than ever.
In these strange and uncertain times, look to what makes you smile. Focus on the happiness. If you can't seem to find it, look harder, it'll be there. It is how we deal with times like these, it's how we process our thoughts in times like these which can make us stronger. We need to acknowledge the negative (it is there, we can't help it sometimes) but focus on the good.
And I hold my two boys tighter and feel blessed to have them in my life (even if they do drive me crazy sometimes!).